Photo by Muhammadtaha Ibrahim Ma'aji from Pexels
From periods to depression why do we shy away from conversations about pain? Black women often don't have the conversations or even berate each other for mentioning it but will quickly have the me too conversation after things have gone wrong.
So ladies why don't we talk? Issues surrounding stigma, judgement and losing out are all reasons why we don't reveal how we really feel, but the truth is it all comes down to fear. We may have had a constant headache for the last month but we don't want to go to the doctors in case they tell us we need to be on medication for high blood pressure or worse. We've been feeling pretty low but reaching out to someone who's possibly going to tell us to get over ourselves or put us in a mental institution, makes us continue under a funk that may actually have more to do with the weather or a need to change routine than depression. In all fairness, there are a few steps that we can take to live a pain free life:
Acknowledge it's existence - yes this could make it more intense but it can also help you to recognise the level of pain you're feeling or whether it's even pain at all, sometimes it's actually discomfort or irritation. This goes for the physical and the mental. When you recognise the pain you're in, you can also identify the cause.
Seek resolution - a solution can offer a temporary fix or a holding place but we want to close the case on what ails us so that we don't have to deal with it again, and if we do we already have our toolbox at the ready. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the solution is the resolution but the truth is we are seeking long term results.
Don't shy away from the uncomfortable - this step is so important that 1 & 2 can't be successfully achieved until this one is done, but it can't go first because it can't be seen until the pain has been acknowledged and we've decided we want more than a temporary fix . However, unpacking our issues is required in order to identify root cause and rectify any negative impact it's having on our life.
Identify your team - Whether it's physical or mental pain, ladies you need a team. Who's your team? Are you in a position where you can share your pain? Sista's we need to have a safe place where we can share, scream, cry and just express our feelings.
We know that not all pain is physical bt without a place to vent mental anguish can begin to manifest itself as physical ailments and vice versa. Worrying about test results could lead to you being short-tempered or withdrawing from social situations whilst stress and heartbreak could lead to high blood pressure and stomach problems. Ladies we just don't need anything else making us more vulnerable to the many health issues that get associated to us already. So you really need to identify who's in your corner, who can you talk to and if you don't feel you have that person please don't fear reaching out for help. There's so much available, particularly since lock-down and as we broach and breach these subjects more, barriers and stigmas are falling away.
Ladies lets embrace each other and build our strength together.
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